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The Disgusting Guide to Portsmouth Historic Dockyard

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Welcome, fearless visitor. You thought the Dockyard was all brave captains and shining cannons? Think again. Real life at sea was filthy, foul and full of things you’d rather not sniff too closely.

Consider this your insider’s guide to the gross bits. The blood, bugs and bad smells that sailors had to endure. Forget the polished plaques and heroic portraits, this is history with a whiff.

So, hold your nose, clutch your stomach and prepare for five stops guaranteed to make you squirm and shiver!

1. The Surgeon’s Cabin on HMS Victory

Think of the smallest, darkest room you’ve ever been in. Now add buckets of blood, bone saws, and a screaming patient with no anaesthetic. Welcome to surgery at sea. If the infection didn’t kill you, the treatment might.

Find it below decks on HMS Victory. Want the gory details? Ask our team to walk you through surgery at sea. Warning: you’ll never look at your GP the same way again.

2. The Surgeon’s Equipment, Mary Rose Museum

The Mary Rose surgeon’s kit is a roll call of medieval nightmares: mallets, irons, knives and syringes big enough to make you faint. Although ship surgeons were skilled professionals with some techniques not so different from today’s battlefield medicine, you still didn’t want to fall seriously ill in Tudor England (and don’t forget, no anaesthetic!).

Visit the Mary Rose Museum to see the grisliest first-aid kit in history.

3. Sea Creatures in Jars, Worlds Beneath the Waves

Pickled creatures floating in murky jars, just the thing to keep sailors’ company on long voyages. Tentacles, sea slugs, fins… it’s like a seafood buffet nobody asked for. Stare too long and you’ll start to wonder who’s watching who.

Create your own AI sea creature and see them up close at the National Museum of the Royal Navy’s Worlds Beneath the Waves exhibition.

4. Talk Weapons with the HMS Warrior crew

Nothing says ‘Victorian Navy’ like invincible wrought-iron armour and massive guns. Chat to the Warrior crew about just how destructive these beauties could be and how Warrior was so fierce, she never needed to fire a shot in anger.

For extra gross facts, ask the crew about punishments at sea.

5. Weevils in the Ship’s Biscuits

Hungry? Too bad. Sailors’ biscuits were so hard they could chip teeth, and they came with an extra crunch: live weevils. Sailors just ate them anyway. Protein, apparently. If it moves, it counts as fresh. Bon appétit.

See these delightful rations (and their buggy inhabitants) at the National Museum of the Royal Navy Galleries and at the Mary Rose Museum.

Feeling brave?

October half-term brings even more revolting fun, with the surgeons’ trail, a look at creepy cures, and a battle-hardened crew ready to spill the nastiest secrets of life at sea. Perfect if you’ve got the stomach for it. Click here to see what’s on.

Whats On

Over to you, sailor. And good luck keeping your lunch down.